The uNFL Draft

It's mid April, which means talk of the NFL draft is all over the sports channels and blogs. Everybody has their take on which teams should take which players to fill their individual needs. But have you ever wondered if the perfect player for a certain position or team is not a college football player at all? 

I know I have, which is why I have carefully studied the needs of each of the first five draft teams along with the histories, strengths, and weaknesses of a variety of non-football playing athletes and celebrities to determine which of them would go first in an uNFL draft. Here are my findings:

1.) Cleveland Browns

The Cleveland Browns are perpetually in need of a decent quarterback, and this year's draft lacks a standout quarterback to fill the position, so it looks like the Browns might have to look to the NBA. It would be too obvious to look past this guy, being a native Ohioan and one of the world's greatest athletes. At first I thought he would be a perfect fit for a tight end and didn't want to waste his TE tailor-made talent on the quarterback position. But after I thought about it, I realized he could play both TE and QB at the same time. I mean, after all, he is Lebron James.

#1 uNFL pick: Lebron James

2.) San Francisco 49ers

The San Francisco 49ers need better players in basically every position. So where do they start? Quarterback? Offensive line? Defensive secondary? How about special teams? Let's face it. No matter what they do, the 49ers will never be good. Their main goal right now doesn't need to be winning games, but merely avoiding being shutout. So they may as well have a kicker who can make a long field goal.

#2 uNFL pick: Cristiano Ronaldo

3. ) Chicago Bears

The Chicago Bears don't actually need to draft anyone to see future success. They had one big problem and they already got rid of him. So I guess it might be more fitting to call this one an NFL undraft instead of an uNFL draft. Nevertheless, for consistencies sake, I'll keep the name the same.

#3 uNFL pick: Goodbye Jay Cutler

4.) Jacksonville Jaguars

The Jacksonville Jaguars could use a good defensive tackle. And I have just the guy in mind. Although he's better known as a comedian, his sheer size and obvious strength make him ideal for the job. Judging by his physique, I can only assume he would be a versatile athlete with speed, quickness, and endurance. The question is, are you thinking what I'm thinking? I know you are...(But what am I?):

#4 uNFL pick: Pee-wee Herman

5.) Tennessee Titans

The Tennessee Titans could do some serious damage if they could get a really great wide receiver. There's this one guy, you might have heard of him. He's got the height and the athleticism... He also has unmatched speed.

#5 uNFL pick: Usain Bolt

6.) New York Jets

The New York Jets are in dire need of a quarterback...Can you think of anyone who fits the bill for the position?

Mascot Quiz Answer Key: A Brief History of Some NCAA Mascots

1. Syracuse University Orange

Otto the Orange

Syracuse has one of my favorite mascots and one of the most interesting mascot histories. Otto- a bizarre-o androgynous fuzzy looking fruit?- whatever it is, is the product of a long evolution of Syracuse mascots. 

Before Otto, the then Orangemen were represented by the Saltine Warrior. Based on a tall tale of an Indian chief who had been buried beneath the old women's gymnasium,  the Saltine Warrior was dropped in 1978 due to concerns about its cultural insensitivity. After unsuccessfully trying to replace it with a gladiator, Syracuse officially made this orange their mascot in 1980, and it was named "Otto" in 1990.

2. Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets

Buzz the Yellow Jacket 

Georgia Tech's athletic teams were named after the yellow jackets worn by their fans and in 1905 they officially took up the nickname. In 1980 Buzz made his first official appearance as a member of the cheerleading squad.

3. Notre Dame Fighting Irish

The Leprechaun 

The Leprechaun was named Notre Dame's official mascot in 1965. He was preceded by an Irish Terrier, or rather, multiple Irish Terriers throughout the years, the first of which made an appearance in 1930. The terrier mascot eventually took the name Clashmore Mike.

4. Purdue University Boilermakers

Purdue Pete

Purdue Pete, while not the official mascot of Purdue University, is an iconic emblem of Purdue sports. First created as an advertising logo in 1940, Pete got his name four years later and became an on-field mascot in 1956.

5. University of Florida Gators

Albert the Gator

The alligator was first used as an emblem for the University of Florida in 1908. In 1957, the university saw its first live alligator mascot, Albert. Thirteen years later, a costumed version of Albert appeared. In 1986, Alberta, Albert's female counterpart, arrived on the scene, and the two are now the official mascots of the University of Florida.

6. The Ohio State University Buckeyes

Brutus Buckeye

"Buckeyes" has been the official nickname at Ohio State since 1950, but Brutus, their beloved mascot, didn't make his debut at a football game until 1965. Brutus underwent many makeovers before he appeared as the Brutus we know today, and in 2007 he was inducted into the mascot hall of fame.

7. The University of Kansas Jayhawks

Big Jay 

The history of the Jayhawks mascot can be traced back all the way to before the civil war. This mythical bird is a hybrid between a blue jay and a sparrow hawk. The term "Jayhawkers" was originally used to describe both sides of the battling factions of the civil war in the Kansas Territory, but eventually stuck to the abolitionists. The Jayhawk became a symbol of patriotism and was adopted by the university. Big Jay was the original Jayhawk mascot and he was joined by his current companion, Baby Jay, in 1971.

8. Wichita State University Shockers

WuShock

The first known instance of the name "Wheat Shockers" being used to describe the football players at Wichita State (at the time Fairmount College) was in 1904. The name comes from many of the players' practice of harvesting, or "shocking" wheat during the offseason. The name was eventually shortened to "Shockers" and in 1948 WuShock, the personified bundle of wheat, was created during a fraternity mascot competition.

9. California Golden Bears

Oski the Bear

Oski first appeared on September 27, 1941. He is named after an old spirit yell, the Oski Yell. He also has the rare talent of being able to drink beverages through his eye.

10. University of Minnesota Golden Gophers

Goldy Gopher

In 1926, football coach Clarence Spears named his team the gophers, after Minnesota's nickname, the Gopher State. Their all-gold uniforms later inspired the nickname the Golden Gophers, and Goldy Gopher first appeared in the 1940's. Say what you will about him, but in both 2011 and 2013, Goldy won national mascot titles.

NCAA Mascot Quiz

My Favorite Sporting Upsets and Underdog Stories

Mississipi State's 66-64 victory over UConn in the Women'sFinal Four on Friday night had all the ingredients of a great upset. A David, a Goliath, a big stage, and an overtime buzzer beater to add a little zest. 

These moments may be fleeting, but they make some of the best memories. Moments like these are what make all the countless hours of watching, all the anxiety-induced vomiting, and all the missed homework deadlines worth it.

So long after the crowds had undoubtedly dissipated from the stadium to the bars, from the bars into the Dallas hotels, after America's adrenaline had returned to its normal levels and the commentators were done thanking Ross Dress for Less for providing their wardrobes; after I had brushed my teeth, taken my Flinstones vitamins, and my mom had tucked me safely into my Steve Urkel sleeping bag, I lay awake in bed, thinking long and hard about these rare moments.

I began to ponder: What is the best sports upset of all time? As I lay there in my dimly lit bedroom, staring at the glow-in-the-dark Richard Simmons poster that hangs over my bed, I composed a list of my favorite upsets and underdog stories. Mississippi's win rolled in at the number five spot. Here are my four others:

4. Helen Maroulis beats Saori Yoshida 

In the 2016 Olympics, Helen Maroulis became the first American to win an Olympic gold medal in women's wrestling. To get there she had to beat three-time Olympic gold medalist and 13-time (yes, that's THIRTEEN-time) world champion, Saori Yoshida, in the gold medal match.

3. "Rocktober" 

No Colorado sports fan can forget the Colorado Rockies'miracle run to the World Series in 2007. While it didn't end well for the Rockies, getting swept in the World Series by the Boston Red Sox, the journey there was a fun and memorable one for the Colorado community. The Rockies finished that regular season by winning 13 of their last 14 games, defeating San Diego in a play-in game to take their spot in the playoffs. They swept Philadelphia in the NLDS and Arizona in the NLCS to finally advance to the World Series.

2. Holly Holm beats Ronda Rousey

Ronda Rousey's 12-0 record wasn't the only thing that made her heavily favored in her bout against Holly Holm in November 2015. It was the manner of her victories that had many people thinking she was unbeatable. With her previous three opponents lasting just 34, 14, and 16 seconds against her, some fans were even speculating that the UFC Bantamweight champ could beat Floyd Mayweather in the cage. So when world champion boxer Holly Holm knocked Rousey out a minute into the second round, the mma world was in shock.

This was one of my favorite upsets because I was one of the few people who thought Holm had a chance, and because it silenced Rousey's obnoxious fans.

1. Rulon Gardner vs. Alexandr Karelin

My all time favorite sports upset, though, has to be Rulon Gardner's upset of Russia's Alexandr Karelin in the 2000 Olympics for the gold medal in Greco-Roman wrestling. Karelin, who had won three consecutive Olympic golds, not only had a 13-year undefeated streak, but he hadn't been scored upon in six years. Let that sink in. No world class wrestler had been able to score a single point on him for six years.

He was a legend. Gardner, on the other hand, was some American kid that a few people had heard of. So when he not only scored a point on Karelin, but that point was enough to beat Karelin for the gold medal, wrestling fans were in disbelief.

With elements of the matchup reflecting the U.S. men's ice hockey victory over the Russian team in the 1980 Winter Olympics, the match was dubbed "The Miracle on the Mat."

I don't claim that this is a comprehensive list, but these are my favorites. Let me know if I missed any that you think belong in the top five.