The uNFL Draft

It's mid April, which means talk of the NFL draft is all over the sports channels and blogs. Everybody has their take on which teams should take which players to fill their individual needs. But have you ever wondered if the perfect player for a certain position or team is not a college football player at all? 

I know I have, which is why I have carefully studied the needs of each of the first five draft teams along with the histories, strengths, and weaknesses of a variety of non-football playing athletes and celebrities to determine which of them would go first in an uNFL draft. Here are my findings:

1.) Cleveland Browns

The Cleveland Browns are perpetually in need of a decent quarterback, and this year's draft lacks a standout quarterback to fill the position, so it looks like the Browns might have to look to the NBA. It would be too obvious to look past this guy, being a native Ohioan and one of the world's greatest athletes. At first I thought he would be a perfect fit for a tight end and didn't want to waste his TE tailor-made talent on the quarterback position. But after I thought about it, I realized he could play both TE and QB at the same time. I mean, after all, he is Lebron James.

#1 uNFL pick: Lebron James

2.) San Francisco 49ers

The San Francisco 49ers need better players in basically every position. So where do they start? Quarterback? Offensive line? Defensive secondary? How about special teams? Let's face it. No matter what they do, the 49ers will never be good. Their main goal right now doesn't need to be winning games, but merely avoiding being shutout. So they may as well have a kicker who can make a long field goal.

#2 uNFL pick: Cristiano Ronaldo

3. ) Chicago Bears

The Chicago Bears don't actually need to draft anyone to see future success. They had one big problem and they already got rid of him. So I guess it might be more fitting to call this one an NFL undraft instead of an uNFL draft. Nevertheless, for consistencies sake, I'll keep the name the same.

#3 uNFL pick: Goodbye Jay Cutler

4.) Jacksonville Jaguars

The Jacksonville Jaguars could use a good defensive tackle. And I have just the guy in mind. Although he's better known as a comedian, his sheer size and obvious strength make him ideal for the job. Judging by his physique, I can only assume he would be a versatile athlete with speed, quickness, and endurance. The question is, are you thinking what I'm thinking? I know you are...(But what am I?):

#4 uNFL pick: Pee-wee Herman

5.) Tennessee Titans

The Tennessee Titans could do some serious damage if they could get a really great wide receiver. There's this one guy, you might have heard of him. He's got the height and the athleticism... He also has unmatched speed.

#5 uNFL pick: Usain Bolt

6.) New York Jets

The New York Jets are in dire need of a quarterback...Can you think of anyone who fits the bill for the position?